STRUGGLING WITH AMBIVALENT RELATIONSHIPS

I’m in my senior year of college and as anyone who has experienced college you know that it is a roller coaster of emotions; good situations and bad situations. Seemingly, the one thing that holds us together during the great and tumultuous times of college are our friends. Coming into college, I couldn’t wait to meet the friends that would be my life long besties. But things didn’t exactly  work out the way that everyone said that they would.

I like to think that I am an approachable and kind person. Every now and again, I may have the occasional bad day that may seem as if I’m some villain from a Disney movie, but I’ve gotten better at channeling my negative energy into something positive. I have always wanted that #squadgoals, which at times can be unattainable and unrealistic.
I have had my fair share of disagreements and arguments with friends but what I’ve realized is that if an individual, in particular, a friend, really cares about you, they will do what it takes to keep that friendship alive. Some friends fight more than others but at the end of the day, you have someone that you can rely on for guidance, support and love.

If you’re experiencing a tumultuous relationship with a close friend, try doing some self-reflection. In the past, I never thought that I could do wrong. I never thought that it was me who had the issue. After having an awesome boyfriend who felt comfortable enough to tell me my wrongdoings, I realized that it was partially my fault that I had lost a great friend. But without the apologies from both parties and the realization that both you and the other person were in the wrong, things can’t move forward. So, that’s where I was at.

I have gotten closure from a person that I used to call a friend but they couldn’t come forward and put there pride aside to apologize. Maybe you’re in this predicament now. Friendships can end for many reasons; sometimes you may not even realize it.

Some reasons of why friendships fail…

– The relationship could be or is competitive and your friend may not have been or isn’t in a good place career-wise or personally. This can cause conflict between the two of you.

– When the other party is reluctant to get together with you, the meetings aren’t as satisfying as you thought they would or could be.

– Outside influences could be effecting the way your friend views you. Of course, this is manipulation. Some don’t see it that way.

In my past, instead of including myself, I made assumptions thinking that my friends didn’t want to spend time with me because they made other people a priority. But now that I am older, I wish I would have pushed that aside and included myself instead of forging the whole “we don’t spend enough time together.” But in the same token, I didn’t want to spend time being a 3rd wheel all the time. I’ve learned that people make time for who they want to make time for. If asking a friend to spend quality time together is like pulling teeth, it’s time to let go.

Being self-aware is a very great quality to embody for many reasons. But the main reason is so that you can handle situations more maturely by thinking things through before pointing the finger at someone else. One of the reasons that I decided to write this post is to help anyone dealing with an ambivalent friendship or relationship. Like my situation, maybe its YOU that needs to evaluate yourself in the situation instead of pointing the finger.

SIgnature

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